With a vegetable peeler (i.e. carrot peeler), peel 5 pounds of regular Russet or Yukon Gold potatoes. After peeling, rinse under cold water.
Now, I always like to chop the potatoes in half or in fourths before throwing them into the pot. They cook more quickly and more evenly this way.
No need to freak and wig out here—just cut them so they’re generally the same size.
Now, bring a pot of water to a healthy simmer…
And go ahead and throw 'em in.
Now, bring to a boil and cook for a good thirty minutes—possibly more.
That's just enough time to give yourself a nice paraffin manicure or, in my case, haul all your trash to the dump.
What did I just say? Ah, country life. It's so beautiful and idyllic.
Now. You have to give the potatoes the ol' fork check to make sure they're done. When they’re cooked through, the fork should easily slide into the potatoes with no resistance, and the potatoes should almost—but not totally—fall apart. Remember, if the fork meets with any resistance, that means there'll be little hard pieces of potatoes in the final product. Translation: lumps!
Drain the potatoes in a large colander and give yourself a nice steam facial while you're at it.
Not really.
When the potatoes have finished draining, place them back into the dry pot and put the pot on the stove.
Turn the burner on low. What we're going to do is mash the potatoes over low heat, allowing all the steam to escape, before adding in all the other ingredients. That way, the potatoes won't be watery or "mealy."
Do you have a potato masher? You need one! They're relatively inexpensive and so much better to use than a hand mixer, the sharp blades of which can break down the starch in the potatoes and make the final product gummy. Also, you'll need a masher later to make butternut squash puree and sinful sweet potatoes.
Mash away…
Until most of the steam has escaped and most of the chunks of potato have been mashed well, about three minutes.
Now, turn off the stove.
Are you ready to get serious? Good. Find the butter you've been softening…
And just slice it right into the hot potatoes. For five pounds of potatoes, I use 1 1/2 sticks.
Or, if I've had a particularly stressful week, I bump it up to 2 sticks. Butter, you may not be aware, is an effective psychological salve.
Now. Are you ready to get serious? Okay, I'm just making sure. This, my friends and cohorts, is the secret ingredient of delectable, delightful, creamy, perfect mashed potatoes. Do not be afraid. Do not scream and run. You must trust The Pioneer Woman. I know of what I speak.
To five pounds of potatoes, I add an 8-ounce package of cream cheese. It's best if it's softened cream cheese.
Now, let me just say that Marlboro Man would never—never—touch cream cheese with a ten-foot pole. Never. He'd sooner have his gums scraped than eat cheesecake or spread cream cheese on a cracker. But he loves my mashed potatoes. And he ate them for years before he ever got wind of the secret ingredient. He cried for a few days when he found out he'd consumed cream cheese, but now he doesn't even bat an eye.
In terms of culinary repertoire, it's all about baby steps with these cowboys.
Hello, lover.
Now, to make the texture just right, we need to add a little Half & Half.
Hey, I could have used heavy cream. But this is a low-fat dish, people. I have to make healthy choices.
Begin with 1/2 cup. You can always add another splash later.
Now it's time to mash away again! If your butter and cream cheese were softened to begin with, everything should come together perfectly.
Oh, my. Did someone say "creamy?" Oh. I guess that was me.
Okay. That's the basic mashed potato recipe. From here, you can add whatever seasonings make your skirt fly up: onion powder, salt, fresh ground pepper, garlic salt… even mashed roasted garlic cloves (my personal favorite).
For Thanksgiving, though, because the mashed potatoes will be served with gravy and all the other stuff, I like to keep it pretty simple. And Lawry's, to me, is just right. It provides salt content as well as just a hint of some other flavors.
It’s important not to oversalt the potatoes, so start small and you can work your way up. I usually add about 1/2 teaspoon to start, then wind up adding another 1/2 teaspoon later.
In a perfect world, I would now reach over and grab my wooden pepper grinder. But in my world, my pepper grinder is outside, filled with gravel. Don't ask.
Go ahead an add as much pepper as you like. Again, I start with about 1/2 teaspoon, then add more later.
Now, stir or mash everything together.
Then taste the potatoes, and adjust the seasonings. The seasoning process should take a little time, as it's important to get it just right. Try really hard not to under-salt the potatoes. They need seasoning, man.
Now, butter a medium-sized baking dish.
And plop the mashed potatoes right in.
I’m hungry. For mashed potatoes.
Now, to make it look reeeeeal puuuuurrrrty, smooth out the surface of the potatoes with a knife.
Ha! You just thought this was a low-fat dish, didn't you? Fooled you once again.
Slice up a few pieces…
And place them all over the top. This just screams rebellion, doesn’t it? Hey, look. It’s Thanksgiving. And I just happen to be thankful for butter.
Now, the great thing here is, you can cover it with foil and refrigerate for one or two days before Thanksgiving! Then, just pop it in the oven when you’re ready. It’s amazing how much trouble this saves on Thanksgiving Day. That peeling, boiling, draining, and mashing thing can really get in the way of your holiday joy.
When you’re ready, remove it from the fridge at least an hour before baking (a couple of hours before eating) so the center won’t be so cold. Bake in a 350-degree oven, covered, for 20 to 30 minutes, or until warmed through.
Here’s mine. I actually forgot to cover mine with foil because my boys were dressing the dog in my favorite jeans and I had to intervene. But they turned out fine; the top had a nice little buttery crust, which didn’t bother me one bit.
Oh, baby. Come to mama.
Go for it, guys!
