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The Cast of Characters: 1 whole cut up fryer (that's simply a whole chicken, cut up and packaged), mayonnaise, sour cream, salt, brown sugar, pepper, lemon juice, celery, green onions, and grapes.

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The first things we're going to do is cook the chicken. And take note: this is a hugely important "skill" (it’s not even difficult enough to be considered a skill) in the kitchen that will open up your cooking world enormously.

And today, I'd like each and every one of you to use the words "hugely" and "enormously" together in the same sentence. Thank you.


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Begin by thoroughly rinsing the chicken and placing it in a pot of water.


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Turn on the fire and bring pot to a boil. Then reduce the heat to medium-low and continue cooking until chicken is done (no pink or red!), about 45 minutes to 1 hour. Feel free to turn off the stove and let the chicken sit in the pot for a short while after it’s done. You might need to fold a little laundry.


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When you’re ready, remove the chicken from the pot and place on a plate.


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If you have time, you can allow the chicken to cool, then pick it apart with your fingers. Or if you’re starving, desperate, and in a hurry, you can use two forks. Just pull the meat off the bone…


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Until you have a nice pile of chicken. Now, when I make chicken spaghetti or other soups or casseroles, I always keep at least some of the cooked skin in with the meat. But for chicken salad, I’ve found that chicken skin isn’t the most palatable thing on earth. So just feed it to your Basset Hound and he’ll be your friend for life.


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Next, chop 2 to 3 stalks of celery. I’m not a huge fan of celery, so I chop mine pretty finely. What you’re looking at is one stalk of celery, which I’ve sliced into three long slices, then cut in the other direction.


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I do love celery leaves, though, so I always chop up some.


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You can add as much or as little celery as you’d like. It really does make for a great crunchy contrast to the soft chicken, so don’t skimp too much.

(Water chestnuts are also chunky and crunchy! I add those sometimes.)


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Next, cut off the top of three (or so) green onions…


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And chop ’em up—white parts, green parts, and all.


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Now grab a couple of cups of grapes, and cut them in half, lengthwise.


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I like to use purple and green because, well…I’m a middle child.


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Now, working in batches, just throw your cooked chicken on the cutting board…


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And chop it into bite-sized chunks. Again, you can go as small or large as you like. The world is your oyster! And this chicken salad is your pearl.

I love quoting Broadway musicals when I cook. (Can anyone name that song/musical? If you can, you have my admiration.)


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I LOVE fresh dill in cold salads. It’s kind of pickle-y without being overpowering. So if you can get your hands on some, chop up a generous amount.


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Do you guys go through phases with fresh herbs? A couple of years ago, I couldn’t get enough of rosemary; I put it in everything. This year, it’s dill—I can’t stop!


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Now throw the chicken into a large bowl…


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And add the celery, green onions, and grapes.

And now, let’s make the dressing!

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I throw about 1/2 cup of mayonnaise into a bowl…(NOT Miracle Whip, please! Miracle Whip is from the devil.)


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…Along with 1/2 cup plain (absolutely non-flavored) yogurt. And here’s where you can really play with your ingredients: Mayonnaise, Sour Cream, Plain Yogurt, even Buttermilk—find the combination/permutation you prefer and go with it! Buttermilk makes the mixture slightly more thin, which some folks like.

(Note: You can also use this base to make cole slaw. We’ll try that around the Fourth of July.)

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Next, add a tablespoon or two of lemon juice. I prefer it to vinegar, but if vinegar makes your skirt fly up, please use it instead.


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Then you can throw in a tablespoon or so of brown sugar. It combats the acidity of the lemon juice, but don’t overdo this ingredient.


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Now, whisk it together and give it a little taste.


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Next, add PLENTY of salt and pepper. Keep tasting, making sure it’s thoroughly seasoned. REMEMBER: the chicken is totally unflavored and saltless, so the dressing will really need to have enough.


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Here’s where you can throw in plenty of fresh, chopped herbs. I used dill, but heck, why couldn’t you use basil or even cilantro? Just don’t skimp—fresh herbs really wakes up chicken salad.


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So does a healthy dash of cayenne pepper!


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When you’ve tasted and seasoned and are satisfied with the flavor, just pour the dressing over the salad ingredients.


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Stir together gently…


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Until everything is thoroughly coated.


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Now, if you’re feeling particularly naughty and saucy and feisty, please sprinkle in some homemade OR, in my case, STOREBOUGHT (just keepin’ it real, man) bacon bits. Again, don’t overdo it—just a little bacon flavor will do.

Now, I have fried up thick, peppered bacon, chopped it fine, and sprinkled it in the chicken salad before, and it was almost too delicious for me to bear. So try that sometime—but enter at your own risk.

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Now, taste it, salt it, pepper it, add more dill—whatever you need to do to make it perfect. Just remember to fold/stir gently throughout this process.


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And when you’re finished, do this! Because Martha might be watching.

Now, just allow the chicken salad to chill several hours or even overnight—long enough for the flavors to really meld.

Then, when you’re ready, just serve the chicken salad on a bed of lettuce…or in hollowed-out heads of cabbage, or hollowed-out bell peppers…or put it on English Muffins, top with cheese, and broil…or stir in with shell pasta for chicken pasta salad. Yum.

Or! If you’re me, you can do this:

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Grainy wheat bread.


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Toasted. And did you know I’d been married nine years before I even owned a toaster? True story.


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Honey mustard.


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Not too much.


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Baby Spinach. And plenty of it.


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Chicken salad…


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And plenty of it.


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Yum. Like, totally.


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Excuse me, please. I must go scarf this down now.

Try it soon—you’ll love it!

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